A Day in the Life of a Love Addict
If you believe you might be a love addict but not quite sure, you’re in the right place. It’s important to gain an understanding of what love addiction is to ensure that you get the best therapeutic experience possible.
To help you explore this question more, I want to invite you into a story of what a day in the life of a love addict looks like.
But first, a note: love addiction comes in various forms and is not a one size fits all disorder. But if you struggle with love addiction or relationship dependency, it is likely that at least parts of it will feel very familiar.
And if it does, I want you to know something right away:
You’re not broken.
You’re definitely not alone.
There is hope.
Morning: The First Thought Isn’t About You
The alarm goes off.
Before your feet even hit the floor, your mind is already somewhere else.
Did they text me back?
Why haven’t they responded yet?
Are they upset with me?
Did I say something wrong yesterday?
You reach for your phone. Relief floods in if there’s a message.
If there isn’t, a quiet anxiety settles in your chest.
Your mood for the day has already been decided—and it depends on someone else.
That someone else may or may not be your primary partner. Far too often, a love addict in a committed, monogamous relationship will seek this pseudo-connection outside of the relationship, leading to devastating outcomes for everyone.
Midday: Trying to Focus (But Your Mind Won’t Stay There)
You’re at work, or running errands, or taking care of responsibilities.
But part of your mind is constantly tracking the relationship.
You check your phone again.
You replay your last conversation.
You start drafting a message… then delete it.
You wonder if reaching out will seem too much.
You wonder if not reaching out will make them lose interest.
Meanwhile, your energy is drained—not from your tasks, but from the emotional monitoring happening in the background all day.
Underneath it all is a quiet fear:
What if they pull away?
Afternoon: The Emotional Rollercoaster
A text comes in.
Instant relief. Maybe even a rush of excitement.
Your mood lifts. You feel lighter. More confident. More secure.
For a while.
But then the message feels short.
Or their tone seems different.
Or they mention being busy tonight.
And the spiral begins again.
Are they losing interest?
Are they pulling away?
Did I do something?
Should I try harder?
You might find yourself:
Sending another message for reassurance
Over-apologizing for something small
Changing your plans to be available
Ignoring your own needs to keep the connection stable
Because the connection doesn’t just feel important.
It feels like your emotional safety depends on it.
Evening: Losing Yourself Without Realizing It
When you finally have time to yourself, something feels off.
You don’t quite know what you want to do.
Your hobbies have faded.
Your friendships feel secondary.
Your mood still depends on how the relationship feels today.
You don’t feel like you anymore.
If things feel good between you, you feel calm.
If there’s distance, tension, or uncertainty, your anxiety ramps up.
You might:
Re-read old messages
Analyze social media activity
Imagine worst-case scenarios
Feel an intense urge to reconnect or “fix” things
Sleep doesn’t come easily. Your mind keeps scanning the relationship for signs of safety or danger.
If you’re acting out with someone outside of your primary relationship, the stress intensifies. You have to keep a huge part of your current “identity” a secret from the people closest to you. You are always looking over your shoulder to make sure your partner isn’t looking at your phone screen or stumbling across something that would blow your secret wide open. You know what you’re doing is outside of your values and who you want to be. But you can’t stop. You’re addicted.
What Love Addiction Really Is
Love addiction isn’t about loving too much.
It’s about using the excitement of romance to regulate your emotional world.
The relationship becomes your:
Source of security
Source of self-worth
Source of calm
Source of identity
When the connection feels strong, you feel okay.
When it feels uncertain, everything inside you feels unstable.
Most people who struggle with love addiction are:
Deeply empathetic
Emotionally attuned
Loyal and devoted
Afraid of abandonment or disconnection
The pattern usually isn’t about the current partner.
It’s about a nervous system that learned early on:
Connection equals safety.
Distance equals danger.
The Cost of Living This Way
Over time, love addiction can lead to:
Losing your sense of self
Staying in unhealthy or one-sided relationships
Ignoring red flags
Feeling emotionally exhausted
Constant anxiety about the relationship
A cycle of intense attachment followed by disappointment
And the hardest part?
You may know the pattern is happening… but feel powerless to stop it.
The Good News: This Pattern Can Change
Healing from love addiction isn’t about becoming distant or independent to the point of isolation.
It’s about learning how to:
Feel emotionally secure inside yourself
Regulate anxiety without relying on constant reassurance
Maintain your identity within relationships
Choose partners from a place of stability instead of fear
Experience connection without losing yourself
In therapy, we work with the deeper system underneath the pattern—your attachment history, your nervous system responses, and the emotional beliefs that drive the cycle.
Over time, many clients notice:
Less anxiety about relationships
More confidence in themselves
Healthier boundaries
More balanced connections
A sense of calm that doesn’t depend on someone else’s behavior
If This Feels Familiar
If your mood rises and falls based on someone else’s attention…
If relationships feel intense, consuming, or anxiety-filled…
If you’re tired of losing yourself in connection…
You’re not weak.
You’re not “too much.”
Your nervous system just learned to depend on love for safety.
And that’s something we can work with.
If you’re looking for support with love addiction or relationship dependency , therapy can help you build the kind of security that comes from within—so relationships become something you enjoy, not something you emotionally survive.
You deserve connection. Real connection. That makes your life better and helps you grow as a person.
You also deserve to feel grounded, whole, and secure—whether someone texts back right away or not.
Reach out right to start recovering from love addiction .
